Cerulean Synapses

Colours of Magic

For those of you that signed up on my blog site please don’t spam me…

I saw that you tried to create groups of your own.  That is not going to fly with me especially if they are about advertising.  This blog is specifically about mental health and Art.  I don’t need Con-Artists coming in and ruining a blog that inspires me. So if you are interesting in learning about how Dissociative Identity Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Dissorder and other Trauma related disorders of the mind work, not to say that I have Bipolar depression and this ridiculous spamming is getting on my nerves.  How many of you are out there?  Anyway, to cut to the chase, if you would like to know more about these disorders, subscribe, be my guest, because you are going to learn more from someone that has the disorder than a psychiatrist or psychologist hymming and haaaaaingg….

What, burns my bacon, is when someone tells me to get over my flashbacks, like they are something I can just get over.  I would get over them and cope with them if I could don’t you think? Flashbacks are the most terrifying thing that someone with Post traumatic stress disorder can experience.  They are paralyzing! If you don’t know what a flashback is then you never had one.  It is defined as a recurring, intensely vivid mental image of a past traumatic experience.  It isn’t just a cookie cutter definition as that.  There are some people whom have (PTSD)Post Traumatic Stress Disorder so severe that they act on these flash backs or dissociate because it is their only coping mechanism.  And no it’s not because they can not handle trauma well.

From my experience it is because they handle it very diligently and the people who have PTSD, DID or other dissociate phenonenom are extremely intelligent.  They have learned to cope with their every day lives by living inside their head creating other outcomes other than the trauma, and they can do other tasks normal people could not do.  They think outside the box.  How come I know this I have DID, I know three different programming languages, was Honors in my four year school, PHI THETA KAPPA, And had two majors and one minor.  I am not trying to brag but as I meet more people with PTSD and DID, this seems to be the norm.  They handle trauma extremely well until there is a trigger, then like a nuclear reactor in a power plant every part seems to melt down until every thing is shut off and they can function again.

All I know is life will have triggers, and I know I will be in therapy for the rest of my life because of what happened, but I know I handle trauma very well.  I created 38 different personalities to cope with my trauma.   Some people can go through a traumatic even and leave rather unscathed, however I often wonder how unscathed they are when it often floats to the top of their subscious.

My hypothesis is everyone receives a little trauma in their life.  “A loud horn beeps at you and scares you half to death.” that is little trauma.  Do you have flash backs every time a horn beeps at you? Possibly not.  It’s the little things that build up to a nervous break down.  Or a big event that threaten your life, shamed you, or put you at the mercy of someone elses power and discovering a dead body.  Those can be big T events.  When you mix the big T events, sometimes those little T events can become triggers in life.   The big T event involved a certain building that you knew your mr olester and everytime you pass that building you are reminded and flashes or horrible things pass in your mind.  The little T event involved passing in a car but the building happened to be there.

I have many theories on trauma, but one thing I can’t stand is when people say “Get over it, or can’t you find a way to cope with it?”  I have been going to therapy for years.  THAT IS MY WAY OF FUCKING COPING! If you experience a traumatic event don’t compare yours to mine and say well I am fine, good for you. PTSD, takes about year to develop at least it did with mine before the ruminations stopped and the flashbacks came on full force.

That is enough of my ranting for PTSD.  I hope you understand what I am going through.  People who have PTSD have a higher change of committing suicide and completing it.  Trust me I have been dead before they brought me back, so if anyone says I can get over this disorder, I have to give them the bird and right now, I am feeling really pissy.  There are a lot of understanding people in this world, but there are a lot of people that just want you to get better. And like a disease, a disorder is by definition an ailment that affects the function of mind or body. A disease affects the body.  Stop the stigma.